Query Letter: HELP!!!!!!

Stress. Woman stressed

All right dear readers, I’m going to post my query and look for some advice. I’ve been through many rounds of Query Letter Hell on the Absolute Write forum, and this is my latest and greatest. I plan on posting it in QLH in a few days, but if I can improve it before that would be awesome. If you have an opinion, I’d love to hear it! And I’m begging on hands and knees in case you can’t see me through your computer!

Dear Reader:

At sixteen, Nona’s best friends are a mannequin named Frank and a Ruger 9mm. Frank’s the strong, silent type, but the Ruger keeps wild animals at bay. Two years alone in a remote Michigan town and survival is all that matters.

When a band of plague survivors called the Community claims Nona’s deserted town, she’s torn between the need for human contact and the crippling memories of her dying family. She and the Ruger tell the trespassers to get lost, but they don’t take the hint. Especially, Joshua McKinnell, whose friendly banter isn’t silenced by the sight of her gun. Before long, Nona calls Joshua a friend and is helping the Community restore her town. The Ruger remains strapped to her leg—old habits die hard—but poor Frank is abandoned to a crumbling diner. He was never much of a conversationalist anyway.

Just as Nona settles into life with the Community, she is captured by the American Brotherhood, a militaristic-society from Virginia. They brainwash child-soldiers and enslave new members, so she isn’t expecting protection from her Sponsor, Will Kennedy. Will hates the Sponsorship system, and treats Nona more like a house guest than a servant. Friends don’t hold friends hostage, but Nona can’t help liking Will, and maybe something more.

But Nona doesn’t have a chance to decipher her feelings for Will. The Brotherhood army, including Will, lays siege to the Community’s stronghold. Nona must escape and find a way to convince everyone to back down—or choose a side to fight on. All she really wants is to protect Joshua and Will, the friends she never meant to make.

I HAVE NO NAME (96,000 words) is a YA Post-Apocalyptic that fits somewhere between NOT A DROP TO DRINK by Mindy McGinnis and IN THE AFTER by Demitria Lunetta. Thank you for your time and consideration.

And yes, I know I need a bio. And I know I need a personalized intro for each agent. And I might even redo that whole last para, but I wanted to include it for clarity. This is mostly just to get the meat of the query perfected, and then I’ll create a personal letter based on each agent. Just would love to know what everyone (anyone?) thinks about this so I can improve this letter! Thanks everyone!

Oh, and I was considering adding something like:

Frank was never this much trouble.

or

Maybe she should have stuck with Frank.

after . . . friends she never meant to make, or somewhere in the last para. Thoughts?

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4 thoughts on “Query Letter: HELP!!!!!!

  1. Pingback: Today On My Blog I’m Going to . . . | Jennifer Austin – Author

  2. I like the tid bits about Frank, it gives a peak to the humor I’m thinking underlies Nona’s (good take on No Name) narration. I got a bit co fused reading about the Brotherhood and its Sponsors, maybe just simplit it that she’s been enslaved by a group who is going to destroy her city and new friends?

    Like

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